The President’s Resume

Many in the academy love to polish their vitas. Yes, many in the academy have large egos. But none has an ego that matches the size Donald Trump’s, even though becoming President of the United States is the ultimate addition to a resume. So, does Donald Trump, who has probably never applied for a job in his life, have a resume? He may. He would use gold leaf, I’m sure. But in case he doesn’t have a resume prepared, I am willing to help. He may need one soon…

DONALD J TRUMP
Trump Towers
The White House
The Winter White House

Objective: to make America great again

    Employment

President, the Somewhat United States of America
Former CEO, President, Trump Enterprises
TV Celebrity (Schwarzenegger sucks.)

    Skills

Public speaking (Love it.)
Bullying and intimidation (I am first.)
Insults (Locker room talk is my specialty.)
Hiring the best people (like Mike Flynn)
Keeping out bad hombres (rapists, drug dealers, terrorists, everyone not like me)
Speaking Russian

    Technical Skills

Twitter (Early morning tweets are best.)

    Honors

Largest crowd ever at an Inaugural Address

    Accomplishments

Work Ethic: More productive in three weeks than other presidents in an entire term.
Leadership: Drained the swamp in DC by nominating new crocodiles.
Confidentiality: Ability to protect secret information, even at places like Mar-a-Lago.
Organization: Have caused more people to organize than any president.
Intelligence: I am smarter than everyone.
Builder: Built the best buildings to display my name.
Interpersonal Skills: Strong, firm handshake with my big hands.
Beauty Judge: (It’s really okay for me to visit the dressing room.)

    Hobbies

Watching CNN (fake news)
Cheating at golf (at my fabulous courses)
Thinking about revenge
Watching Twilight
Taking people to court

    Ambitions

Running for president again
No longer being president

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